Friday, April 18, 2008

Stubborn, Stupid, or Determined?

I started to write a response to the comments I got on yesterday's post about my frustration with knitting socks and creating a website. Mainly, my blog friends were telling me to get a grip and ask for help. So my response had to do with the issue of not asking for help, but when it threatened to turn into Book Two of Gone With the Wind, I decided it merited it's own post. And now, faced with the proverbial blank page, all the profundities of GWTW-byJane have passed unmarked from my mind. So let me start again.

I read the comments this morning and I spent Molly's poop walk working out why I don't want help on creating a website. It does, actually, have something to do with why I'm determined as well to finish that pair of socks (despite the fact that, yes Jennifer, one can BUY perfectly lovely socks ANYWHERE).

All my life, when the going gets tough, I tend to get going. Thus, there exists behind me a veritable trail of unfinished thises and thats. There also exists, inside of me, as a consequence an often deep and always nagging feeling that I'm not quite (and sometimes even sorta) the person I pretend to be. I'm getting away with stuff--with failure, with disappointment, with success as well--by opting out of the game. I do it with such an offensive tactic that I dare people to even think I'm giving up. But I know. And I also know I have to stop--if I'm to continue to grow and enjoy my life.

So, my determination to finish the socks and my insistence on sorting out Wordpress myself are part of what I have to do to get past the point where I give up. It's Tough Love, but sometimes you gotta do that with your kids, even when it's your Inner Child.

By the way, check out the newest member of our MidLifeBloggers blogroll: Sonia of Aging Inappropriately.

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