Friday, March 13, 2009

Why I Stay Home

I have another one of those social thingies to go to tonight. I was all hot-to-trot when I first heard about it, drinks at an Irish pub downtown, 6-8pm. I planned the 'when shall I wash my hair, do my nails' around it--all the girly stuff that makes going out an anticipatory blowout. But now that the 'witching hour is drawing nigh, I'm all--eh, meh, and bleh.

Because I would analyze the worm out of the wormwood, and because I really do see this as Getting In The Way of My Life, I'm ready to do some hard thinking-through. See if any of this sounds familiar to you--and if so, are there any ways I can outwit myself?
  • Going out means getting dressed.
  • Getting dressed means selecting from my wardrobe.
  • Selecting from my wardrobe means confronting that fact that nothing fits--and if it does, it looks like shit.
which means....
  • Confronting the ways in which my body has changed, much to my horror and dismay
which means....
  • Confronting that I'm older, aging, past the halfway mark, over the hill, out of the running--
oooops. Out of the running: that resonates. Clangs, in fact, and starts me thinking about what it was that I used to like about going out:
  • Picking a terrific outfit that would be the perfect costume (yes, as in theatre) for who I was going to be that night.
  • Loving the look in the mirror. Not as in some narcissistic venture but as in, "Damn I look good!"
  • Making my entrance, playing my character, seeing what kind of applause I would score.
  • And maybe, if I was interested, scoring.
That's pretty much gone for me now. I'm just not really interested, and I don't have the goods to venture on the stage as a leading lady any more. So what I'm left with when I go out is--what? And is this a good or a bad thing?

6 comments:

  1. Agreed, and I'm (hopefully) not even at the halfway mark yet. Of course I'm hoping to live a long, healthy, productive life of at least 100 years. :)

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  2. ToadyJoe:
    Yeah, but you've got that cute husband keeping your attention; that's why you're not really interested anymore.

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  3. We're character actors now, different role that's all! Still very sexy and important?

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  4. I figure, I can be the imperfect person who stays home alone, or the imperfect person who goes out and does things.

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  5. starrlife: ah, yes...it just takes a little wiggling to get into that role.

    shani: I agree with you 100%, but that's not what I'm talking about. Perfection or not isn't the issue; nor is it why "I Stay At Home..." when I do stay at home. Never would I hide in the corners; you know me better than that.

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So--whaddaya think?