In Which I Smack Myself About The Head...

Quit whining, Jane.

Do I have too much on my mind, or not enough on my mind? Vote A or B...

Time's up; the correct answer is A. So let me just clear my cache, which seems to involve some sort of purge.

Such as:

• Considering that I still have multiple many things to do to prep for BlogHer, not the least of which is decide what to wear, why then did I spend much of yesterday and today playing with my wire and bead stuff?
  
• Is this a good thing--as in, I have ADD and the scattershot attention is one way in which it manifests itself and so what, I get stuff done; it just takes me three times as long as most people.
• Is this a bad thing--as in, this is how I'm dealing with the pressure of BlogHer, by ensuring that, yet again, I am not fully prepared to do the best job that I can?

• What actually is it about this conference that is tweaking my already twirpy sense of well-being?
  
• Am I feeling ambivalent about it because I am ambivalent about participating in a gigantic group grope?
  
• Is it that I fear I will be overwhelmed by the mass energy of a thousand people, each of whom has an agenda, both practical and emotional, that is somewhat or a lot different from mine?
  

I must confess that the past two conferences have left me feeling more than 'eh'. Of course I went to the first conference after the Big Move from LA and six months of a job in which I felt invisible. And last year I went after a year in which my entire life got turned upsidedown, not to mention my self-esteem being ground into the, well, the ground. And this year? Is this year different? I think so. I hope so. I'll let you know.....