I Can't Keep My Fingers Out of the Pot...

I've been stirring the CSS pot, as you can see, on the look of ByJane. I'm not done yet (hah!). But I've added a second sidebar, which I've wanted for forever. I end up deleting stuff from my sidebar, like badges from all the awards I have not won, and a ByJane blogroll that isn't linked to Google, and--

Well, the first new thing is my new BlogHer'08 badge. I got rid of the "I'm Wearing Cute Shoes" to BlogHer because "I'm Drinking At BlogHer" seemed much more appropriate to my intentions for the conference. The more I look and listen to the one thousand people attending--ONE THOUSAND, Jesus, we'll tip the boat!--the more I realize that my focus is a tad more narrow than what I'm hearing from most people. I'm not going to find out how to improve my blog or get more readers. I won't be giving any elevator spiels because I don't have one. I don't really know what sessions I'll be going to because--I don't really know what sessions there are. I'm just going for the sake of going--and for the schwag.

Didn't I say all this before? Yes, I did. I'm saying it again. For myself. Repeating it. To get it into my head. So that I don't get shoved off course and end up miserable. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's knee jerks when someone in the know starts talking about how to Build One's Blog. I become like a little chicken pecking after my mama hen, "tell me...I'll do it...tell me...." But I end up not doing it and then I feel like a failure, a deflated balloon of a blogger who is listing aimlessly about.

In moments of sanity, however, I realize that I end up not doing it, because I DON'T WANT TO.

I think I've said this before here (god knows I've said it often enough elsewhere): the greatest lesson I learned as a freelancer was that just because I could write a piece didn't mean I should. Then, too, I was like some baby chick, but the mama hens were my editors. Oh you want me to write 3000 words on Blech for next month. No problemo. Can do. Hideyho and pip pip.

So I know there are lots and lots and lots of things I could be doing to make my blogs other than what they are. I'm just not interested. If I was, I would. That's another thing I've learned along the way: we really do do exactly what we want to do. Even when we think we don't want it.

So this is a Memo to Myself, which you are just reading because you're along for the ride, lucky you. And in other news--

The contest, the contest--yes, we have a winner. The first correct answer was MerlotMom's, but the fullest correct answer was Jan's. That was a photo of the 25 plus boxes I bought (for $50 + dollars) yesterday nestled in the trunk of my car. I am indeed packing. I am indeed moving back to LA. Send me your addresses, ladies, and your prizes will soon be wafting your way.