Monday, October 22, 2007

Cleaning the Orifice...

Let's see if that gets me some Google traffic.

But first, an explanation: My mother had a way with words. Sometimes she mangled them, intentionally. To be funny, as it were. As sometimes it was. But at other times, like when you were trying to say something serious, it was fucking annoying. Which may be why she did it.


My mother liked to use the work orifice for office. As in, "I'm going to the orifice today." Or, to my father, "what happened at the orifice when you were late this morning?"

So, it is in honor of my mother that I tell you that today I am cleaning my orifice.


  1. After getting over the embarrassment of having failed while copyediting to catch viola when the writer meant to write voila, I began to use viola exclusively. "And then, viola, it was there."

    Recently, I was talking to my father about my efforts to get a new job and the job interview I had been on. Repeatedly, I said "viola" when "voila" was what I meant.

    My father was deeply chagrined to find he had such an ignorant son. Eventually he interrupted my story to say, nicely as though talking to a dull child, that the word was voila, not viola.

  2. john:
    I shall probably say viola from now on. I like it. Especially when accompanied by a flourish.

    btw, you had a their instead of there doesn't make me any friends, this inability of mine to read anything without copyediting!

  3. One of the first business cards I did when I was a printer was for a certain Ms. Orifice. I called her office to tell her they were ready. "Ms. Orifice? Your cards are ready." Um, she pronounced it Orra-FEE-kay, which I would, too, if my name was orifice.

  4. their there they're AAARRRGGGG!

    I am horribly handicapped by having learned to read by sounding out every word. I never unlearned it. It makes me quite prone overlook homonyms and support gay rights.

  5. Funny mother says ecletric for eclectic...silly mothers.

  6. Perhaps you should have mentioned jelly in your orifice. Or a donkey. Or perhaps a nice midget or three?


So--whaddaya think?